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Questions to Ask Before Marriage
Serious about getting married? There are questions to ask before marriage that may save you untold heartache and pain. It must be understood that some pre-marriage questions may prompt answers that are Deal Breakers! In other words, if you cannot agree on fundamental and core value issues, your marriage will not work!
Since marriage is the joining of two lives, having clear expectations of each other and mutually agreed upon expectations for the many dimensions of your life together, will make or break your marriage. Some of our questions to ask before marriage are open-ended, prompting discussion. When you and your partner read through the list below: 48 Questions to Ask Before Marriage, answer as truthfully and openly as possible—your marriage depends on it!
48 Questions to Ask Before Marriage Fundamental, Core Values Issues (Most of these are Deal Breakers!)- What are your spiritual beliefs?
- Are you committed to practicing what you believe?
- How important are they to you?
- Do you think marriage is for life?
- Do you consider marriage a contract or a covenant?
- Are you comfortable discussing everything? (sexual expectations, religious beliefs, money management, practical responsibilities, children)
- When do you get angry?
- If we have troubles in our relationship, are you willing to go to counseling with me?
Previous Relationships - Have you been in a serious relationship before?
- Was it a sexual relationship?
- What did you learn about yourself?
- Discuss whether or not you think there is emotional baggage being brought in from other relationships.
Marriage Roles - When two people live together, one usually leads. Who will be the leader in our marriage?
- What will this kind of leadership mean in the context of our marriage?
Finances - What are your past and present financial obligations?
- How do you handle your money: are you a spender or saver?
- How much will we earn together?
- What are our financial goals?
- How will we budget?
- Who will do the record keeping?
- How will we make financial decisions together?
Home - Where will we live?
- Who cleans the house?
- Who makes the meals?
- Are you willing to negotiate household chores?
Sex (Answers here are Deal Breakers!) - What are your expectations about sex?
- Are you willing to read books together that will help to prepare us
- Have you ever had sex? (If yes, other issues--emotional and health-related--are now vital to talk about!)
- Are you willing to take pre marriage counseling with me?
Family - What do our parents think about our plans for marriage?
- How will we relate with our parents?
- What will be the frequency of visiting or socializing?
- How can we protect our new relationship, while still honouring our parents?
Children - What do you think about having children?
- When?
- How many?
- What were your personal “growing up” experiences like?
- Do you think you’ve seen good parenting modeling?
Conflict - How well do we handle conflict? (Take a personality test online: it will help asses your tendencies in this area.)
- How will we make decisions when we disagree?
- Does conflict make you angry? (This may be a Deal Breaker!)
Full Disclosure (These answers speak to identity issues. Some of these issues are Deal Breakers!) - Is there anything about your past that I don’t know, but should be aware of?
- If you could change one thing (anything!) about me, what would it be?
- Do you view pornography?
- What are you NOT willing to give up for our marriage?
- Can you identify inner fears about our future relationship?
- Describe yourself to me.
- Can you talk openly about everything?
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If feelings of romantic love were enough to hold a marriage together, there would not be close to a 50% divorce rate! If, when working through these pre-marriage questions to ask before marriage, you come across Deal Breakers, may I strongly suggest seeing a Christian Counselor.
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