Have fun reading the simple tips and advice for you and your partner to use.

The contest is free to participate in... all you need is a bit of romantic creativity about how you hope to celebrate Valentine's Day next month with your spouse... and then share your ideas with us!

But hurry! The contest closes on January 31, 2010 so that our prizes can be delivered to our winners in time for Valentine's Day next month.

Books We're Reading

This wonderful book was a Christmas gift we received from our daughter! Ground breaking research is presented in this book that makes Trading Places, a must read for all couples!

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott present what they call the Trading Places Matrix, and with it describe four types of marriage partners:

1. sympathizers (more feeling than thinking)
2. personalizers (short on feelings and thinking)
3. analyzers (more thinking than feeling)
4. empathizers (a good measure of both thinking and feeling)

True empathizers are those that fully feel for their spouse; in addition, they fully understand them! The ground breaking research alluded to earlier essentially states that marriage success is directly related to this idea of empathy: Feeling and Understanding !

As well as an excellent source of understanding who you are...and who your partner is, this book provides an appendix with information and practical suggestions how you can begin the process of changing to become a better empathizer!

Trading Places, by Les and Leslie Parrott, definitely fits under the “must-read” category!

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

What if God designed marriage more to make us holy than to make us happy?

In the Bible, God referred to his relationship with His people as a marriage:

In that day, declares the Lord, you will call me “my husband”; you will no longer call me, “my master”… I will betroth you to me forever. (Hosea 2:16, 19a)

It is no wonder, then, that Gary Thomas can so clearly illustrate how marriage is used by God to call us to holiness, to teach us to love and respect, to embrace discipline, to develop a servant’s heart, and to make us more aware of God’s presence. In fact, marital sexuality can provide spiritual insights and character development that can be powerfully learned in few other ways!

Gary masterfully demonstrates to his readers how God looks at marriage—and how sincere Jesus-followers use this sacred opportunity of marriage to live self-sacrificial lives for their partners.

In short, Sacred Marriage is as instructive as it is inspiring! It is theologically deep, but also very practical. Everyone would benefit from reading this book!

Question: I do not find my husband attractive in a sexual way and can not stand him touching me - even a kiss on the lips is distasteful to me. How can I fix this?

Answer: Perhaps there is an underlying root cause that might explain why you feel this way. Is there something in your past that is affecting your responses to your husband? Take time and think carefully... If there is anything, you must find someone to help you deal with those past issues.

It is very important that you overcome your negative thinking. Do whatever you can do to counteract your feelings. For example,

1. Begin the practice of holding hands with your husband when you are walking together or driving together. Use holding hands as a reminder that you are special to one another. You belong to each other in a very unique relationship!
2. Practice taking time to kiss one another all the while focusing loving thoughts about your husband. Romance has a lot to do with our thoughts!
3. Make sure the setting of your "practice session" is as ideal as possible: both of you brush your teeth and use mouthwash (it's easier if both of you are doing it together).
4. Read our article about non-sexual touching in a marriage. It is important for you to feel special, cared for, cherished. As well, your reaching out to touch your husband speaks loudly that you honor and respect him. Here is another article about physical intimacy that is worthwhile reading:

Remember...

"Within a marriage, the stresses and pressures of life often influence couples at some point in their relationship to emotionally withdraw from one other somewhat. ... Non-sexual touch keeps the emotional doors open between husband and wife! Touch is not just the intersection of two physical bodies; it is the brief meeting of two souls." -Jim Gordon

The more you take time to touch and kiss each other, the easier it will become after time. In doing this, you are re-programming your thinking--and re-establishing kissing (and eventually sex) as a positive, fun experience.