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The Intimate Couple E-Zine, Issue July 2009, Issue 1 July 08, 2009 |
| Hi! This e-zine is our way of keeping in touch with you while providing simple tips and advice for you and your partner to use. Enjoy! A Tip for You to Use Hallmark is making a mint on printing cards for Mother’s Day, Birthdays, Anniversaries, Weddings, and numerous other Hallmark holidays! What about making up a day of your own—and writing your own cards!  My day is going to be called Connection Day, and I am going to celebrate my connection with my wife. Before I leave for work, I’m going to make 10 post-it notes and randomly distribute nine of these little love notes in places my wife can find with a little searching. The first note I will hand to her, smile, and tell her there are nine others—and if she doesn’t find them, I’ll help her locate them when I get home from work—that will really make her anxious to find the rest of them!Throughout the day, I will call home twice, just to let her know I’m thinking of her. When I come home from work, I will hand her a love letter I have written that explains in detail why and how I love being connected with her! Who knows? Maybe together we can explore other creative ways to become more connected! Questions & Answers The following questions were submitted through our website. The content of the answers provided here are for general information purposes only and are not intended to substitute for professional relationship counseling. Is it okay for a girlfriend to hang out with other guys by herself?: I am not currently married, but I do consider my relationship to be pretty serious as we have been in a relationship for about two years. When I tell my girlfriend that I don't like her hanging out with her 'guy friends' without me or any of her girl friends, I get a little uncomfortable. It is not uncommon for her to want to hang out with a guy one-on-one or in just a big group of guys. She usually just claims that they mutually just want to be friends. Should I expect her to stop hanging out with her 'guy friends' if she knows it makes me uncomfortable? Although I trust her, from her perspective would it seem that I simply have no trust? Answer: It's difficult to determine the "rightness or wrongness" of your girlfriend's spending time with other guys until the two of you determine where your relationship with her is at. From what you've said, you and your girlfriend need to sit down and have a good heart-to-heart talk about what commitment in your relationship means to each of you. It is apparent that there is a difference in expectations between you. The first key issue here is really about clarity of the relationship: find out how serious she thinks your relationship is. Let her know exactly how you feel. Here's a suggestion. Why don't each of you, individually, go through the following list of adjectives and consider how they apply to your relationship?
Then compare and discuss your comments about these words with one another. Going through this exercise might help the two of clarify where your relationship is at. When a relationship moves beyond friends who "go out on occasional dates with one another" to one where they've chosen one person to be special in their lives, expectations will change. A guy may have many friends who are girls, but as soon as he says of one of them, "this is my girlfriend" rather than "this is one of my girlfriends", he is stating that she is extra special to him. In fact, he has made a choice to limit his friendships with the other girls so that he can deepen his relationship with his one girlfriend. Intimacy is based on trust; trust develops as we meet the obligations and expectations inherent in our relationship. If your relationship with your girlfriend is at the level where the two of you have chosen to commit to one another to building and deepening your friendship, there will be limitations or obligations. You must be sure to keep your heart singly towards your girlfriend, and she the same. So, yes, spending time with other girls or guys is impacted by our decision to commit to one girl or guy. But this limitation isn't a negative consequence... instead it proves the commitment towards our girlfriend or boyfriend. That is the relationship that needs our most wholehearted devotion! And when we do, we will have the intimacy and love we desire! Question about husband's lack of interest in sex.: In our marriage of 5 years, the last 4 months have been devoid of any type of sexual intimacy between us. Though I long for it, my husband has been keeping it away all these months. We are happy together emotionally though. Sometimes I crave for it, but feel a bit sad when he is not feeling the same towards me. Sort of feeling unwanted. He sorts of avoid all my signals as well. So, what should I do? Ignore and wait for him to go for it. Or take some steps to make it happen? Have You Heard? Last week, Jim and I were interviewed by Claudine Struck on her "Stay Sane Now" internet radio show. The subject of our interview was Dating. We discussed:
Want to listen to our "Dating" radio interview? Click here (FYI: The interview is about 13 minutes in length.) Thanks for reading and we'll be in touch again in a few weeks! Sincerely, Jim and Carrie |
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