Welcome to the fourth issue of The Intimate Couple E-Zine! We enjoy keeping in touch with you while providing simple tips and advice for you and your partner to use. Enjoy!

Love Quote

We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly while we embrace each other. --Lucian de Croszonza

Song of Solomon 8:4 “I want you to promise, . . . , not to awaken love until the time is right . . .”

In the above quote we have a defining principle of love and sexuality: they should not be awakened prematurely! Sex is designed for the relationship of marriage; before marriage, sex is premature and leads to deep complications!

To read about the sizzling sex God designs for marriage, read the Bible! Check out this link.

Fireproof is the story of a firefighter, Captain Caleb Holt, who lives by the old firefighter's adage: Never leave your partner behind. But, after seven years of marriage to his wife Catherine, their own relationship is failing.

This is an awesome story about the hope every marriage can experience, no matter how difficult the relationship. Check out the movie trailer! Why not take your spouse out on a movie date to watch this movie together?

Question: A Wife Wants More Sex "Why does my husband have such a hard time committing to being intimate with me? He has agreed that he likes it to be more often, yet the problem goes on, and I'm the one that's not being satisfied. I've talked to him so many times about this! Why does it in my opinion, seem unnatural to him? What am I supposed to do?

Often I've had to resort to taking care of myself, and that proves he is unfeeling to my needs."

Answer: There is no simple answer to your question without knowing more information. For example, are there past issues between you and your husband that are not resolved?

Sex and sexual intimacy can be compared to the tip of an iceberg (what lies beneath the surface). Emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacies are hidden, but massive in their influence. Most probably, it is in these areas that the root of this surface problem lies.

Approach your husband, and ask for an open and honest talk about your sex life. Possibly, there is an area of guilt that your husband struggles with; this guilt can make your husband refuse sex, or perhaps take on a feeling of martyrdom: “I don’t need sex. I’ll show my wife I can do without it.”

However, regardless of the reasons why things are not working sexually, the remedy remains the same: develop intimacy. As you probably know, if you’ve read our website, there are four types of intimacy: spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and sexual. All of them involve openness and vulnerability. Your husband will not be able to change significantly without openness, honesty, and acceptance developing between you. But he needs to know that he will not be “punished” for his honesty.

If you’ve approached your husband without being demanding and controlling, and he is still not willing to be open and honest with you, then seeking professional marriage counseling is still a good option even if you end up going by yourself.

Question from Kenya: Girlfriend Expects Too Much? "What do you advise a woman who says that before she gets married to a man he should earn more than she does and should cater for all house bills? What kind of Christian mentality is this? Please advise.

What scripture can I use to advise this woman?"

Answer: Well, I’m pretty close to your girlfriend’s opinion on this one!

Although a husband does not necessarily need to earn more than his wife, he does have to demonstrate responsibility in providing for his wife and family. Read 1 Timothy 5:8, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

I believe your girlfriend’s concern for security is at the core of her comments. Security is more of a felt need for women than for men and that’s why it is vital that you learn what the needs of a wife really are. I would also suggest you read up on pre-marriage at our website’s Pre-Marriage section.

Question: An Engaged Couple is Over Heating! "My fiancé and I have been engaged for 2 and half months. We have 9 and a half months to go before we get married. This is a long engagement we realize. But it is necessary because we are both in college, and we don't have time to plan a wedding. We have been going too far physically and we both know it, and we both try to stop, but we always fail. The farthest we've gone is petting over the clothes. What advice do you have to help us slow down?"

Answer: We appreciate that you are being honest with yourselves.

Since engagement is the preparation phase for marriage, how you respond to each other and to situations around you (including temptation) during engagement is an extremely important indicator of how you would respond when married. Many engaged couples miss this point.

Marriage requires self-control, stamina, and a willingness to endure hardship. The sexual temptations and stresses during this time can’t really be called hardships, but they are opportunities that require you both to work together as a team! When you know it’s wrong to engage in pre-marital sex, to do so will result in guilt and shame; giving in to sexual temptation is not the way to begin marriage so you are to be commended for your desire to do what is right!

Here are a few simple steps to your success:

1. First, you must establish and follow clear mutually-agreed upon boundaries. These might include limiting the length of time you spend alone together, avoiding locations that make it easy to “go too far”, or setting a curfew for yourselves.
2. Secondly, make yourselves accountable for your boundaries to another couple. Ask that couple to keep in touch with you regularly (at least once a week or more often if this is a better help for you and your fiancé) as an encouragement to both of you to follow your boundaries.

If these steps aren’t enough to keep your relationship guilt-free, move up your wedding plans!

Question: Boyfriend Can’t Make Up His Mind "I am an 18 year old girl dating a guy of 25. He has quit several times and after wards begs to come back which I accept; problem is I don’t know if he truly loves me like he says he does. He was born January 31st, and I was born February 15th. Please, I need your response 2 know if he is truly in love with me."

Answer: There are many, many things we don’t know about your relationship that would be better indicators as to whether this man loves you. Here’s what we do know:

“… He has broken off the relationship several times.” Obviously, he doesn’t know what he wants, and is not anywhere ready for the commitment necessary for a serious relationship.

“… after wards begs to come back which I accept.” You seem desperate! It doesn’t really matter how many times he leaves, it seems to me you will always accept him back: You are far too easy on him! If he leaves again, make sure he knows you won’t accept him back!

“… He was born January 31st, and I was born February 15th.” I suspect that you are making reference to your astrological signs. Personally, I don’t care at all about what astrological signs you have. Your relationship is not dependent on the stars. It is dependent on your character, and your ability to love each other sacrificially.

From where I sit, I think it’s time for the boyfriend to move on! Then, to help you gain a healthy perspective on relationships, I recommend that you read Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge.

This is an extremely well-written and entertaining book! The jacket cover says it best: “At times reading this book will feel like a slap in the face, and at other times like a big hug.”

Among other things, Dr. Laura focuses on the huge differences between men and women, and points out with humor and insight that the way to success in marriage is to acknowledge these differences from the start. Allowing men to be men and women to be women seems so simple! However, the implications are powerful!

The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage will be a great book for every couple to read!

• Gentle kissing, eventually leading to greater passion, is always a favourite among our foreplay techniques and tips. Read the related articles about kissing:
  • Kissing Skills
  • Good Kissing Techniques
  • Good Kissing Tips
  • How to French Kiss
• Talk to your wife, asking what you might do to help her feel good!
• Question her whether you need to repeat the touch, the kiss, or the caress again…
• Gently talk and get the feedback you need to know you are giving her pleasure. Do what she asks for—not necessarily what turns you on.
• Does she want a massage?
• Perhaps she gets a lot of pleasure from a hand or foot rub.
• Does she like spending time cuddling and kissing?
• Compliment her and express your love verbally.

Sincerely,

Jim and Carrie

Why not take a minute to visit our site's blog to see a listing of our most recent website articles?