Have fun reading the simple tips and advice for you and your partner to use.

We’ve just had a wonderful time reconnecting with old friends, David & Paulette, who we hadn’t seen in close to 15 years. As we were about to leave their home, the conversation led to a story dating back some 33 years… David & Paulette’s wedding day in 1976.

At their wedding reception, someone gave Paulette advice about being married. They told her that her husband was like a knight in shining armor. Inevitably, his armor would become tarnished, dented, and dirty. Paulette was encouraged to be willing to polish the armor to keep it shiny. If she was willing to do that—amazingly, she would find her knight’s armor return to its original luster!

Now, fast forward 25 years from that wedding in 1976—to 2001. It was in 2001 that Paulette shared the “knight in shining armour” story during a talk she gave to a group of ladies. One of the women at that talk was having a marriage crisis and had all but decided to end her 7 year marriage in divorce—until she heard Paulette’s story. …Her husband was like a knight in shining armor. Inevitably, his armor would become tarnished, dented, and dirty. If she was willing to polish the armor to keep it shiny—amazingly, she would find her knight’s armor return to its original luster!

Just recently, David and Paulette met this woman and her husband and found that they had just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary! The woman shared how she had taken to heart what she heard 8 years earlier and her marriage was not only saved from divorce but better than ever!

Todd Roades, from Monday Morning Insights, passes on an article from England: Say a Prayer before Sex.

And why not say a prayer?! Regardless of how you start your lovemaking, please understand that the Lord is present!

Click here to read Todd’s comments along with the article.

Question: My husband of several years has made marriage better than I could have imagined. However, while I very much enjoy the sex, we have tried everything we can think of, and he can't get me to orgasm during times we are intimate. Sometimes I feel so sexually anxious that I will masturbate. I try to keep my mind on my husband, but lately my mind wanders to someone else - someone who I know is secretly interested in me and is very exciting, but I wouldn't have a relationship with even if I were single due to different beliefs and goals in life and therefore try to keep at a reasonable distance. How do I turn my idea of excitement back to my husband?

Answer: There are two issues we are discussing here:

#1. Not being able to orgasm
#2. Fantasizing about another man while masturbating, to deal with your frustration

First of all, point #2:
Don't allow yourself to "bring someone else" into the bedroom! The way to handle this, is to take your stray thoughts, when they come, and redirect them toward your husband. Have strategies ready to use so that you protect the wonderful, pure relationship you have with your husband.

Consider for a moment how parents with toddlers set up boundaries (gates, fences) in their backyards to keep their children safe. You need to have boundaries in your thoughts to keep your marriage safe from dangerous thoughts, feelings, and emotions!

So what could you do when the other man comes to your mind (whether or not you are being intimate with your husband)? Just telling yourself to stop thinking about him isn't enough. At those times, you also need to fill your mind with positive thoughts toward your husband. Pray for him. Thank God for him.

Are you a quiet partner during times of sex? Change that too. Tell your husband you love him and why! Be creative in expressing your love with words. Why not share a fantasy/story you have about your husband out loud, for him to hear?! Your husband will be thrilled and it may even surprise you how your own body responds sexually!

You'll find that those thoughts of another man will come to your mind less and less as you actively focus your thoughts on your husband.

We'd recommend you read the book "The Sexually Confident Wife" by Shannon Ethridge. The sub-title to the book is key... "Connecting with Your Husband". That is what you want to accomplish in your marriage relationship, but especially during times of sexual intimacy. Shannon covers a lot of practical topics in a fresh, honest, and very candid way!

And now point #1:
A few issues need to be addressed here. First of all, time needs to be invested in learning how to bring you to orgasm. You and your husband have not had success in bringing you to climax after several years...so, it's time to do things differently!

* Remember, intimacy is the goal, not an orgasm! So, try to remove the idea of failing, or the pressure to perform. As well, don't compare yourselves with others--especially the couples depicted in TV and movies!! No one said, for example, that husband and wife have to orgasm together during intercourse. In fact, many, many wives don't orgasm during intercourse--they are stimulated to a climax by their husbands manually.

* You have brought yourself to orgasm by masturbation. Why not try showing your husband how you did that? Try to describe it clearly and then let him try doing the same. Keep coaching him and he may just "get it right" one time!

* The key to orgasm is fun and foreplay, and then patience! Your husband is going to have to remember that his goal is your pleasure!

Paramount in your situation is openness and communication! We would suggest that both of you read the following articles together... and then set time aside to experiment!

Sexual Confidence
Relationship Tips for Men

Read the related articles that have links on these pages (ex: foreplay tips for men, the elusive orgasm, etc.) with your husband. When you read them together, you both will benefit.

Lastly, we suggest you consider the seven day mini-course we have put together to improve every marriage! The Seven Day Sex Challenge will be a great benefit! Check out: http://www.the-intimate-couple.com/sex-challenge.html

By the way, Shannon's book that we mentioned earlier also addresses the female orgasm and has some good suggestions.

Though you've spent a long time trying to achieve orgasm--don't give up! Just make sure you are clearly communicating with your husband as to what feels good, and excites you.

Question: We now have a teenager who stays up later than when younger. My hubby is self-conscious about making love while she is awake, either in the living room or bedroom. I have no problem with this. As he is on Viagra now due to age, timing is a BIG factor, so we try to do things around 10 pm. What tips can you give to help him see this is no biggie and he can feel comfortable doing this rather than miss out because she is still awake?? He does not want to listen to my advice, which is just go to our bedroom and do what we want, no explanation needed. Kids are not that dumb and do realize their parents have sex SOME TIME during the night.

Answer: We also have teen-aged children (quite a few of them, in fact) and our bedroom is in between two other bedrooms (one with our two daughters and one with two of our sons). To say that having our kids nearby doesn’t impact us when having sex wouldn’t be true, but we are using several things to help keep our privacy. Some of these include:

• a good lock on our bedroom door
• playing music in our bedroom (other areas of the house)
• using a draft pillow at the bottom of our bedroom door for extra sound-proofing
• learning how to have sex more quietly (don’t think of this as a negative; trying to stay quiet can actually add a “fun” and “secretive” aspect to sex!)
• turning on a fan or other “white noise” machine to help mask noises

• allow your daughter to watch tv from 10 to 11 on certain nights of the week
• perhaps your daughter enjoys using headphones to listen to music on her ipod OR let her use your living room sound system to play her music aloud
• take advantage of those nights when your daughter is away in the evening. Don’t make her “curfew” earlier than 11 or 12 on some of those nights!