A Question about Sex

by Patricia
(Philippines)

Question:
My husband wants sex and he does it forcibly

Our Answer:
First of all, what do you mean, "He does it forcibly"? If you mean that he doesn't know how to be gentle, then you need to clearly communicate with him, and tell him to be gentle!

If you mean that your husband wants sex more than you do and pressures you to have sex with him, consider if you are making yourself available to him sexually. In many marriages, the wife has less desire/need for sex than the husband but it's important to be aware that a regular sexual relationship is a normal part of marriage. You need to be meeting his sexual needs ... and he should be available to meet your needs.

All that being said, if you mean he is violent and angry with you, then this is not acceptable! You should never have to engage in sex because your husband forces you physically--that is spousal abuse! In this latter case, you and your husband need counseling together. If your husband is not willing to get help and acknowledge his problem of anger and violence, then you must consider if you should separate from him. We're not suggesting that divorce is an option, but we think that separation needs to be considered under circumstances like yours. If your husband realizes that he might lose you because of his violence, perhaps he will be motivated enough to change. It is crucial that you find some people to stand with you during this time while you consider separation. You need support and help! Family, friends, and/or a local church can provide the support you need.

All the best to you and your husband.

Jim and Carrie