Boyfriend Lost Interest in Sex

I have a problem: my boyfriend is 23, and he just told me that he has lost interest in sex, and he is not sure why. Is there anything that could be done to get him back to normal?


Our Answer: From your question, we gather you are not married and you and your boyfriend have been having sex. Although he has lost interest in sex, it is a good thing under the circumstances. Pre-marital sex will damage your relationship and actually work against you in marriage.

Couples need to focus on the other dimensions of intimacy prior to marriage: spiritual, intellectual, and emotional. When intimacy is sexual before marriage, there is a short-circuiting of the development of the other types of intimacy. "No sex before marriage" is the way for couples to learn to connect in other non-sexual ways. It is during this time of no-sex that a couple, and especially the man, needs to develop the quality of self-sacrifice as they resist sexual temptation and focus on meeting their fiancé's needs rather than their own.

If a man does not learn to sacrifice what he wants before marriage—he will have a much harder time living unselfishly after marriage!

Now, if a married couple came to us with this same question, we would discuss the possibility of the following factors affecting sex drive:

1. Physical/medical issues. Perhaps there is a medical reason for the lack of sex drive. A medical doctor should be consulted.

2. Drifting apart, loss of emotional intimacy. The emotional connection is foundational to a couple's desire for sexual intimacy. (On the other hand, sexual intimacy promotes emotional intimacy!)

3. Feelings of depression, being neglected, taken for granted. Combat negative and depressing feelings by focusing on and speaking out the good things that are happening in life.

4. Stresses of work, finances, family. Deal with stress and set boundaries so these issues don't get discussed in the bedroom!

5. Increased busyness and tempo of lifestyle. Learn to prioritize time and energy for sex.

6. Guilt or shame. The guilt a man feels because of unresolved issues of the past, or a present habit (such as viewing pornography) can also result in a reduced sex drive.

More on this topic can be read at
No Interest in Sex
Relationship Tips for Men

Again we'd like to say, talk to your boyfriend about having a no-sex rule so that when you finally do get married—you will have prepared yourselves to receive all the blessings God has for you!

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