daughter - in - law

by Brenda
(Largo, Maryland)

Question:
What do you do when your daughter-in-law thinks you do not like her? The couple is always fighting about their in-laws.

Our Answer:
From your brief statement, we are assuming you mean your daughter-in-law has the feeling that you don't like her, and this feeling is causing friction and conflict in her marriage with your son.

The way to take steps to resolve conflict is to follow the Biblical patterns:

1. go to the person who you know has the conflict with you (ask to meet with your daughter-in-law)


2. approach with humility (realize that you have surely done things that have upset or aggravated her--whether she was to blame or not)


3. don't focus on what she has done wrong (that's her business...your business is only what you have done), rather, focus only on things you have done wrong (even if you don't think they are serious at all! Even if you think she is dramatizing your actions!)


4. express your desire to have a supportive relationship with her and your son


5. acknowledge that you have done things that were wrong, or inappropriate (you surely can find things that fit in this category!)


6. ask forgiveness for what you have done wrong (DON'T mention what she has done wrong! And, DON'T justify your actions!). This will be difficult, because you probably think most everything is her fault! (She feels the same way!)


7. FORGIVE your daughter-in-law. We've listed this last--but it is the first thing you must do, or nothing else will work! It is hard--forgiveness is never easy! But ask Jesus for grace to forgive--after all He forgave you!

We believe if you follow these 7 steps, your relationship will be going in the other direction!

Sincerely,

Jimand Carrie