Can I Have My Dream Marriage?
Yes and No.
- Yes—If you know what genuine love is all about, you can have your dream marriage.
- No—If you are selfish and self-serving, there is no way in the world you will ever have the marriage you are dreaming of!
Actually, the relationship you're longing for will have at least three common components:
- Needs met by each other
- Joy and loving rituals
Needs Are Met by One Another!
It’s probably important for everyone to know that both Jim and Carrie are writing this article! Each of us has different needs, and so our dream marriage will involve all of those needs being met exclusively by each other in loving, understanding ways.
What Does Carrie’s Dream Marriage Look Like?
Carrie needs to feel cherished, valued, and honoured. She is looking forward to growing old together with me (Jim), and not allowing the busyness of life to crowd out those precious, special moments between us. She also loves the idea of my constant admiration of her poise and beauty—-both the internal and external kind of beauty!
What Does Jim’s Dream Marriage Look Like?
Jim connects emotionally with Carrie through sex—and so, sexual intimacy is part of what he longs for in his relationship with Carrie! Though he doesn’t like to talk about it, he also needs to be respected and honored.
Joy and Loving Rituals Belong in a Great Marital Relationship!
Every healthy marriage relationship has one common ingredient—joy. Where does it come from? It is not wise or practical to expect life will be free of problems—they will always be there! Joy is not freedom from problem or worry: it is the result of an attitude of thanksgiving, appreciation, and gratitude. This attitude lifts and lightens the heart and makes it joyful!
Loving rituals are those little peculiarities expressed between husband and wife—unique to them—that says, “I love you, you’re special!”
The book, “What Happy Couples Do”, by Bruess and Kudak tells one story of a husband and wife who race to be the first to write some secret, sexy message with a toothpick on the smooth surface of each new jar of peanut butter!
Forgiveness Marks a Happy, Healthy Marriage!
I won’t ever forget the time I hurt Carrie through a thoughtless, selfish act. Feeling shame, and overcome by guilt--I asked her to forgive me. I felt broken and vulnerable--believe me, it wasn’t pretty! Carrie was so awesome--she was as gracious and forgiving as she could be--making me feel accepted and approved independent of my poor behavior. How can I not love a wife like that!!
Over 7,500 people (as at December 2012) have responded to our Intimacy Survey (have you?) and you would be amazed how many couples tell us that their spouse is holding a grudge (even after they've asked for forgiveness), and they don’t feel forgiven about something in their past.
Ruth Bell Graham said, "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers."
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