Fear of Commitment

by Shonar
(India)

Question:
I am almost married, but he will not leave his wife due to fear of social disapproval and what if she sues him. He is in a bad marriage but does not have the courage to get out of it. He shares everything with me and we cannot live without each other. Please advise me as to how to come out of this situation and how we can be together always.

Our Answer:
There is no such thing as almost married. The Intimate Couple takes the position that marriage is for life. There are unfortunate circumstances that may develop that would dissolve the legitimacy of the marriage covenant--but we do not easily counsel people to get divorced.

Given the very limited information we have from your question, we would suggest your boyfriend is committing emotional (if not physical?) adultery; he needs to stop and get himself right with God, with his wife, and with you.

For you, falling in love with a married man is always the wrong thing to do. In fact, it may be that he has never really intended to leave his wife anyway. Most likely your relationship with him is sexual. Given that you say you can’t live without him, it usually would indicate you are tied to him because of sex. He now has the social security of his marriage (with children?), as well as illicit sex with you. If he is willing to commit adultery with his wife (whom he promised to love until death), what makes you think he wouldn’t do the same thing with you?!

Leave him now; the sooner the better.

Sincerely,

Jim and Carrie

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