Having a Guilt-Free Engagement

Question
"My fiancé and I have been engaged for 2 and half months. We have 9 and a half months to go before we get married. This is a long engagement we realize. But it is necessary because we are both in college, and we don't have time to plan a wedding. We have been going too far physically and we both know it, and we both try to stop, but we always fail. The farthest we've gone is petting over the clothes. What advice do you have to help us slow down?"

Answer
We appreciate that you are being honest with yourselves.

Since engagement is the preparation phase for marriage, how you respond to each other and to situations around you (including temptation) during engagement is an extremely important indicator of how you would respond when married. Many engaged couples miss this point.

Marriage requires self-control, stamina, and a willingness to endure hardship. The sexual temptations and stresses during this time can’t really be called hardships, but they are opportunities that require you both to work together as a team! When you know it’s wrong to engage in pre-marital sex, to do so will result in guilt and shame; giving in to sexual temptation is not the way to begin marriage so you are to be commended for your desire to do what is right!

Here are a few simple steps to your success:

1. First, you must establish and follow clear mutually-agreed upon boundaries. These might include limiting the length of time you spend alone together, avoiding locations that make it easy to “go too far”, or setting a curfew for yourselves.
2. Secondly, make yourselves accountable for your boundaries to another couple. Ask that couple to keep in touch with you regularly (at least once a week or more often if this is a better help for you and your fiancé) as an encouragement to both of you to follow your boundaries.

If these steps aren’t enough to keep your relationship guilt-free, move up your wedding plans!

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