by Mandy
(El Paso, TX, USA)

Question:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months. About a month ago, we hit a rough patch when he decided to kiss another girl. He eventually confessed and we were apart quite a bit after that. Eventually, we met up and talked about what happened and what led him to that point. I ended up taking him back and our relationship feels stronger than before, especially since he mentioned that he wanted to complete his communion and confirmation so that one day we can get married by the church. As strong as our relationship feels at this point, there are times I feel like I can't trust my boyfriend because he still works with the girl he cheated on me with and has her as a friend on Facebook. He mentioned the fact that she no longer talks to him because she was angry that he told her he couldn't hang out with her anymore, but it still bothers me. How can I approach him and let him know it bothers me without him getting bothered that I'm bringing her up? I just don't want him around her at all. She met me before the incident, and yet she still pursued my boyfriend. I have no respect for a person who doesn't respect a relationship.

Our Answer: Trust in a relationship is the oxygen that keeps it alive! Your boyfriend needs to earn trust that has been lost; you need to learn to trust where possible! The worst thing that could happen is that you both continue on without addressing this issue.

Although it seems it should be a simple matter to rebuild trust, men and women often have different sets of expectations on what that means--this is where communication is vital! Your boyfriend may feel it is okay to still have this girl you mention as a Facebook friend, whereas to you it is obviously bordering on breaching trust again.

A deeper understanding of each other is necessary to rebuild trust and eventually develop the kind of intimacy everyone longs for. We suggest that you and your boyfriend read a detailed article we’ve written concerning trust. In this article we put forth the idea that trust can be built with 5 components, listed using the acronym TRUST:

T-ime. There is no short cut to trust-building: it takes time!
R-espect. This involves respecting each other’s opinions and feelings--and valuing them!
U-nderstanding. It must be understood that trust is earned, not given as a gift!
S-ecurity. Vital, especially to women--this is the reason why the Facebook issue is important.
T-esting. Relationships need to be tested so character can be revealed!

Spend time reading the detail of our article together. Click here to read it now!

Click here to post comments

Return to Q & A...Relationship Advice.