Intimacy Issues

Why does my husband not want to ejaculate inside me? We've been together for 8.5 years and married for 5...the only time he ever has is when we were trying to get pregnant. Does that mean he has intimacy issues?

Our Answer:
We’re not sure what it means exactly, but it does indicate there are issues you and your husband need to work through.

Without knowing any other information, it is difficult to determine what might be going on with him; no wanting to ejaculate inside of you is not wrong in and of itself, but probably points to a bigger issue.

Some suggested topics of discussion with your husband:

  1. Is getting close emotionally, or expressing vulnerability and transparency a problem for your husband?

  2. Is he a regular viewer of pornography? Powerful sexual images from a distorted perspective like porn can have an impact in the bedroom. Is there something going on in this regard?
The most important issue right now is to open up communication and begin talking. It is critical that you set the stage appropriately; unless your husband feels accepted, loved, and “safe”, he may not be honest with you.

Say something like,
I am committed to having the best marriage we possibly can--including a sex life that is satisfying and exciting for both of us. I want every barrier between us dissolved so that we can develop an intimacy that brings us into our dream marriage! For that to happen, I want to be the best wife I can be, and I don’t want there to be anything between us. I don’t want there to be any secrets or questions that bother either one of us...
We’d also suggest you both visit our web page: Questions To Ask Your Partner. This is a list of 22 questions partners can ask each other and discuss to develop intimacy. Even after years of marriage, this exercise will help couples understand each other and reach new depths of intimacy.

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Apr 01, 2013
Re: Intimacy Issues
by: Olamide

I thought the reason the man did not want to ejaculate in his wife is either he's afraid of having another baby yet, or he is a man that flaunts around other women thereby contracting an infection which he is afraid to transfer to her.

Aug 01, 2014
intimacy requires openness
by: Jim and Carrie

If either of these are reasons, the husband needs to be more open and honest with his wife. Not telling his wife the real reason why he withdraws before ejaculation is causing mistrust and misunderstanding.

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