Intimacy Questions to Help
Build Intellectual Closeness

Asking intimacy questions can be a great way to improve intellectual and emotional intimacy! Are you finding any of the following in your relationship?

Try our Online Intimacy Survey!

22 Questions to Ask Each Other

Questions to Ask Before Marriage

  • passion gone?
  • no sizzle left?
  • experiencing boredom?
  • relationship stale?

What can be done?

Rekindling the fires of intimacy may best begin by asking thoughtful, conversation-starting questions with your spouse. These questions can promote:

  • active listening
  • conversation
  • learning to respond better in conflict
  • tolerance and understanding

Many of us become lazy and simply stop learning about our “significant other”. Invest the time to ask deep, intimacy questions that develop intellectual intimacy and promote discussion in a safe, accepting setting.

A 3-Step Process to Develop
Intellectual Intimacy through Questioning

  1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
    These are questions that can’t be answered with a “Yes” or “No”, but require a more thoughtful response. Ex. If you could go back in time and change your career path, what would you change, and why?

  2. Reminisce About the Positives of Your Past
    Be specific about questions. Ex. I remember you remarking, “Our vacation to Sea World in Florida was our best vacation ever!” What happened to make you feel that way?

  3. Frame questions about:
    • past vacations and trips
    • family events (birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, etc.)
    • friends and family
    • satisfaction from employment, hobbies, and community volunteerism

  4. Dream About Your Future Together
    Release the limitations you feel right now about yourself, and imagine together with your spouse a preferred future. Ask questions that help you define what you want that future to be!

    Describe the details of your answers as vividly as possible:
    1. Where are you going to be living?
    2. What service club could you volunteer with?
    3. List specific hobbies or part time vocations in which you could invest time.

Meaningful conversation is one of the true cornerstones of every successful relationship.

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