My Girlfriend of 2 months
seems to lack interest

by Ashley
(England)

Question:
I've been seeing a woman now since October 1st, just over 2 months now. At first, and right up to the last couple of weeks, things seemed good. She has a 5 year old daughter which takes up a lot of her time, to which I fully understand, as I have one myself. It just seems to me now that it's me making all the moves to see her, and when I've addressed it with her such questions as, "Do you still want to be with me?" and I say, "Be honest", she says, "Yes." I'm the one always putting my hand out to hold her hand. I asked her today, as I work evenings, about seeing her tonight. She said she was tired as she had been up all night with her daughter, which I understand. So I said the weekend. I haven't seen my mother for ages. Yet when I address the question, "Do you want to see me anymore?" she sort of thinks I'm asking too many questions. So what do I do? I said today, "You know how much I care for you, but when you want to meet up call me." Is that right? I'm totally confused by her, because I saw her two days ago and hugged her and she didn't pull away. I wonder if I'm being too much for her, yet I need to know answers in whether it's worth pursuing her or leaving it. Yet women don't give straight answers.

Our Answer:
You can't make someone love you!

It sounds like some clarification is necessary here; perhaps she's just hesitant at moving forward with the relationship, and has different expectations from it than you do. Perhaps she is being cautious because she's been hurt in past relationships. We suggest you set up a date-night sometime in the near future, providing enough time to make child-care arrangements. Come with a list of questions that you need answers for. You both need to be very honest with each other. If your girlfriend does not see a committed future with you, then you need to move on!

Here are some suggested questions:

  1. We've only been dating for two months. Although I'm very serious about our relationship, do you feel that I'm rushing things?

  2. I'd like us to get to know one another better by spending quality time together. How often do you suggest we see one another?

  3. Is there is one thing I could do to make our present relationship more satisfying, what would it be?

Sincerely,

Jim and Carrie

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