My Husband Doesn't Seem to Want Sex With Me

I don't think that my husband loves to do sex with me.

Our Answer:
With such a short question, we're not sure what exactly you mean... so let us make a few general comments:

1. We talk about intimacy as like an iceberg and the need for couples to pursue developing intimacy--and not just sex. With an iceberg, what is below the surface is massive compared to what appears above. In the same way, sex is like the tip of the iceberg: what is below the surface is the other types of intimacy: spiritual, intellectual, and emotional.

To see your husband desire to have sex with you more may require focusing on improving intimacy in the other areas. Before anything else, sit down with your husband and tell him that you need him to want you sexually! Clear communication may be difficult--but very necessary.
For further reading, check out the following article titled Intimacy and Sex.

2. In some instances, husbands may pull back from having sex with their wives because of guilt or frustration. The solution here begins by understanding your husband better--and that comes by reading instructive books and articles and talking with him! Could your husband be viewing pornography? If so, this will have a very bad effect on your relationship. Gently--but clearly--ask him if he knows why he isn't as interested in sex as you think he should be...

3. Another consideration would be for you to initiate sex more often until your husband regains some confidence. Spend extended time involved with foreplay: kissing and touching each other. This will help your husband become sexually aroused.

For a full handling of this same topic, read the following question and answer posted by another reader: A Wife is Frustrated and Feels Ignored When it Comes to Sex.

Sincerely,

Jim and Carrie