No activity for 20 years

by Eileen
(IL, USA)

Question:
We have been married 39 years. Husband is 69 and I am 59. Sex has stopped in the bedroom 20 years ago. We disconnected because of job style of husband. He has worked driving over the road first 14 years of our marriage. The last 25 years he has worked nights. He is always tired and sleeps a lot during the weekend. Gets about 6 hours of sleep a day.

In the past I was always the one to initiate sex. Getting rejected a few times, I stopped and said to myself I will wait until he approaches me. He never did.

He is going to retire soon this coming March.

We are in marriage counseling but our sex life has not come yet. We talked this morning about trying and we have done that in the past.

Our Answer:
You obviously have many years of disappointments and hurt behind you both. We are very glad to hear you're going to counseling together and have acknowledged that you need help to work on your marriage. It is important that you and your husband learn more of God's design for marriage. Why don't you read the following article together? Intimacy and Sex

Marriage is built on 6 building blocks that we discuss in our book, "The 7 Day Sex Challenge": commitment, forgiveness, vows, God's design, the truth about rewinding (doing what we used to do), and then sex. This book is really a 7 day course for couples that want to rekindle the spark of love, and intimacy in their marriage. It is quite an intensive, thorough course that requires journaling, and repeating vows, statements, and declarations to each other for one week--including having sex with each other!

If you'd like to read more about it, check out this link.

All the best to you and your husband!