Relationship Tips for Men

Intimacy Busters: What are the real issues that prevent men from experiencing and enjoying intimacy?

Issue #1: Feelings of Inadequacy
Call it testosterone; call it male pride—but guys are not into revealing weakness or acknowledging fault. Any guy able to face his inadequacies is emotionally mature: in fact, he’s rare!

The reality is that most men—and women also—struggle with these sorts of feelings at some time or another. Unfortunately, most men ignore—worse yet, try to hide and cover up—these feelings, and never deal with them. The result? Men put up a front that hides their insecurities, but come across as distant, unfeeling, and difficult to connect with.

Relationship tips for men to help overcome feelings of inadequacy:

• Feeling inadequate? Learn how a relationship with Jesus can change your identity and alter your inadequacy!
• Facing inner fears is the best way to overcome them. Write on a paper your 3 deepest fears: be honest with yourself! Pray and ask God to help you to look to Him and not to the object of your fear.

Issue #2: Fear of Becoming Vulnerable
All men deal with fears of one form or another. There’s one specific fear that ruins marriages: the fear of vulnerability. This fear is based on the lie that “if my wife really knew me, she would be disappointed and not love me anymore.” Many men resist the movement towards openness and vulnerability, and pay for their decision dearly with a dysfunctional relationship. The truth is, as men become more vulnerable and comfortable about honestly opening up about themselves, they will find a deeper intimacy and connection with their wives.

Relationship tips for men to help overcome the fear of vulnerability:

• develop the habit of talking about your daily successes and failures with your wife
• initiate a practical accountability partnership with another male friend

Issue #3: Viewing of Pornography
The consequences of regularly viewing porn are crippling marriages:

• in men’s eyes, women become sex objects to use
• sex becomes unrelated to long term-commitment
• sexual arousal diminishes with repeated exposure to porn
• pornography focuses on sex, not intimacy
• porn produces guilt and shame that prevents true intimacy

Relationship tips for men to help overcome an addiction to porn:

• Overcoming porn’s addiction only comes by bringing it “into the light”. Talk to a trusted friend, see a counselor.
• Reference a Christian website dealing with breaking porn’s addictions: xxxchurch.com!
• Refer to our article on the dangers of pornography.
• Apply our three-point strategy to break free from pornography.

Issue #4 Self-Centeredness
True love is living for your wife’s enrichment, joy, and pleasure. When a husband’s likes, feelings, and considerations take center-stage, there is a breakdown in intimacy. This type of attitude is especially harmful in the bedroom.

Disappointments are inevitable. But check your attitude: are you disappointed because of your selfishness, or by a lack of communication? Put your wife first, and your perspective changes.

Self-indulgence is a destructive lifestyle resulting from self-centeredness—a habit developed by never saying “no” to yourself; when self-control is gone, the marriage is gone. By definition, marriage and self-centeredness cannot coexist!

Relationship tips for men to help fight self-centeredness:

• Ask your wife if she thinks you are self-centered!
• Think of creative ways you can begin to make your wife feel cherished!
• Read this article on sexual foreplay tips for men to use to help you focus on your wife first during times of sexual intimacy.

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