(Submitted to Toronto, Ontario's CFRB Radio Station's Valentine's Day Romance Contest, February 1993) My story begins over twenty years ago, in the Spring of 1972. I was only fifteen years old, and had recently come to know a girl attending the same church as myself. Carrie and I met frequently, but always within the context of being part of a larger group of young people. Carrie was from a European family, and seemed quite reserved by disposition. Consequently, during the first number of years of knowing her, she remained shy to engage in open conversation with me, unless it was part of a group discussion of some kind. To say we had any sort of relationship would be highly exaggerated; we were acquaintances. By this time my appreciation for Carrie’s character, warm personality, and beauty, had blossomed into genuine love for her-- and all from a distance. Carrie had no idea about the way I felt. It seemed to me that she scarcely knew I existed.
As a background, I need to explain that I have always held the conviction that I should not become romantically involved with any girl until I was ready to assume the responsibilities of marriage. Believe me, I know this kind of persuasion is not too common, but I also knew it would turn out the best for me in the end. Along the way, however, were many heart rending decisions. On one occasion at the age of eighteen, I had decided to attend University to eventually become a teacher. This would require five years of studies, and would mean I would not be free to pursue any kind of relationship with Carrie for another five years. I had no guarantee that Carrie would even be around after five years, much less be interested in me! Throughout these years, I did see her often at meetings and youth group activities. Whenever I was in her company, of course I was excited and pleasant to her, but I determined not to try to win her affections, not to show her how much I liked her. I felt that if we were really meant for each other, the Lord would trigger all of the necessary events to make it happen. It goes without saying that I questioned myself frequently: “Why not have a girl friend like everybody else?” Still, to be true to myself, I needed to keep trusting we would be together some day if we were genuinely meant for each other.
On another occasion, while I was attending university, Carrie had decided to accept an offer she had received for a job in New York: I was heart broken at the prospect! As the time for her departure came, all of her friends got together to say goodbye. Carrie herself was crying at the thought of leaving, and, of course, I was crest fallen. Yet, seeing I loved her, I also wanted to encourage her in her pursuits. So, I told her that going to New York may open up opportunities for her she had not realized: perhaps there she might find the man she would eventually marry (oh, how I hoped I was wrong!) Thankfully, in a relatively short period of a few months, Carrie returned back home because she missed her family and friends too much.
I can’t adequately convey my emotions throughout these ten years of waiting. Here was a beautiful girl that I loved. Yet, I also felt I must not even attempt to win her affections and embark on any serious relationship until such a time that I was ready to shoulder the responsibilities that came from a permanent commitment to her. How often I thought of her; yet, how often I forced myself to walk away from her, because I didn’t want her to know my feelings. How often I prayed that our lives would be together; yet, how often I came to realize I had to wait longer. For ten years I loved Carrie, and she never knew it.
In the Fall of 1981, after the completion of my studies and commencement of my teaching career, I was twenty-four and more than ready to begin a serious relationship! However, my first step was not to talk with Carrie , but with her father. Prior to her even knowing my intentions, I asked for his blessing and permission to approach her with my true feelings. Talking to her father about this was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Within a short period of time, Carrie’s parents both gave their approval, but cautioned me that Carrie’s decision was to be completely her own.
The wonderful and exciting details of those two weeks weave into quite a story: suffice it to say that after talking with her father, I eventually met with Carrie to express my love for her. We had known each other for more than ten years, and I had loved her for most of that time; nevertheless, Carrie and I had not been completely alone together for more than five minutes before this time! Now, Carrie and I look back to that moment, and both of us remember clearly how I began that conversation:
“Carrie, I don’t want you to faint, or be too overwhelmed, but in about ten minutes from now, I’m going to ask you to marry me.”
I expressed exactly how I felt about her. I told her how long I had feelings of love for her, and what it would mean to me to have her as my life-partner. To my great surprise and relief, within a matter of hours Carrie agreed that she would marry me: she had secretly liked me for many years without my knowledge! Our engagement began that evening, and we were married ten months later.
Carrie and I have a unique story to tell. Our relationship was certainly different than most: the first time we dated was after our engagement! The first time we held each other’s hand was after our lives were committed to each other. The first girl I ever kissed, was the one who would be my future wife. Ours is a story of genuine romance: I can boast that no one but Carrie has ever possessed part of my heart, and Carrie’s boast is the same. I have never loved any other girl but Carrie. Now, after more than ten years of marriage, we are consciously sowing seeds of affection in each other’s life, and are enjoying a continual harvest of love.
