Talking to Others About Marriage Trouble

I had a question regarding your statement about it not being a good idea to talk to anyone other than your spouse about your marriage concerns and problems. Is it OK for a young woman to talk to a wiser, older female relative about her marriage in the interest of gaining wisdom and learning things the older woman has already learned?

Our Answer:
The key to going to others for advice is based on one simple principle. Don’t violate trust. A wife who takes her marital problems to friends or family is violating the very trust upon which her relationship with her husband is based. It’s very easy for a husband to feel more insecure and inadequate when he realizes his wife is talking to others about their marriage problems. His wife may, inadvertently, cause more problems by eroding trust. In some cases, the husband will feel betrayed, or emotionally “raped”.

Although counselors, coaches, and mentors can play a crucial role in helping couples, when relationship issues or intimacy problems are being discussed with others, the husband and wife need to either be together with the mentor or both be in complete agreement about the counseling process.

Intimacy is based on the four c’s, one of them being communication. Rather than talk with others, a wife needs to openly communicate in humility with her husband when there are problems in their relationship.

Exception: When a wife feels abused, afraid, or threatened, she must get outside help immediately. The normal rules of privacy and trust only work in a relationship of mutual love and respect.

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