Too Much Sex?

by Anonymous
(Canada)

I love my husband and enjoy sex with him. I am having difficulty with the fact that he wants to have sex everyday, sometimes twice a day. The problem does not lie in his desire for intimacy but in that he reacts negatively, feeling rejected and insulted everytime I tell him it's not the right moment. We have sex almost everyday, sometimes going a few days without it but nothing dramatic. I am confused because I don't want to refuse sex but at the same time, I feel that we are being intimate often already and don't want to just do it because he wants to.

Our Answer:
It seems that your husband is a very fortunate man--and has nothing to complain about! The problem here is his response--as you have indicated.

I think you have to sit down and have an open and honest talk with him and mention his feelings of rejection. Is it possible to get to the bottom of this? What experiences have made him feel this way? How does this sensitivity affect the other areas of your relationship? Set the stage for a time of intimacy and communication--assure him that your love and acceptance of him is secure, and that you enjoy and benefit from your sexual relationship together. However, just as he feels rejected when you pause concerning your response to sex so frequently--so you feel the same emotion when he obviously is displaying his negative feelings of insult.

Perhaps you both need to take this to a Christian counselor, because the issue is not sex--it's his emotional response.

One more thought... perhaps the two of you can come to an agreement that the frequency of having sex will be a mutual decision. Read this blog post to find out how some other couples handle the problem of different expectations in regards to how often to have sex. Don't try to "copy" the frequency of the couples in this article, but the system they used may give you and your husband some creativity on the subject of how often to have sex.