Turned off of intimacy after birth of child?
Question: I am a man that helped assist in the birth of our child (with girlfriend). Soon after, I became turned off to the idea of future intimacy with girlfriend. I believe the visual of the actual birth has something to do with it? What do you think? Can I resolve this intimacy barrier?
Our Answer: It seems obvious that the idea of intimacy with your girlfriend has now been associated negatively with assisting in the birth of your child. These sorts of negative associations can often be diminished or removed by changing the patterns of association. This type of mental exercise takes some time, but is totally possible!
The first step is to recall a wonderful moment of intimacy (for more info on the four dimensions of intimacy--sexual, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual, see the article Intimacy and Sex). Keep this same thought in mind--don’t change it around, because you want this same thought to come to mind immediately, without re-entering the actual process of choosing from among a series of thoughts. Now, use this special thought as your renewed definition of intimacy!
When the thought of intimacy comes to your mind--often the next thought will relate to the birth and some of the negative ideas surrounding it. At that point, when the negative feelings and thoughts enter your mind--immediately focus on your wonderful memory. Eventually, the problem should be corrected.
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