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The Unhappy Marriage
An unhappy marriage makes everyone sad. Bad relationships result from a multitude of causes: absence of love toward wives and respect toward husbands, toxic verbal and non verbal communication, as well as poor conflict resolution skills, to name just a few, are always deadly ingredients in a bad marriage. Intimacy evaporates and romantic passion is impossible.
To turn the corner and move away from an unhappy marriage, Carrie and I recommend the following steps:- Renew your commitment to each other. If your marriage vows are all that’s holding you both together, that is enough. Start there!
- Define your “rules” for discussing problems: Issues must be talked about—how you do it, is critical. Poor habits that reflect lack of love and respect must be challenged and changed. There is never room for bullying, shouting, belittling, or sarcasm in conflict.
- Help is available. Take it! A counselor, pastor, priest, or rabbi will help you find perspective, and keep you accountable to follow through on your commitment to change. In addition, excellent resources are available to help you! Both of you need to read the books! Here are just two that we would highly recommend.
-Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerich -His Needs, Her Needs, by Dr. William Harley - Avoid the “blame game” like you would the plague! First, focus on identifying issues, problems and deficiencies in your self. Make your own list (do not give suggestions to your spouse!), and ask forgiveness for things on your list as appropriate. Second, begin to use “I” statements when describing your feelings: “I felt embarrassed by your words” is better than “You embarrassed me.”
Marriage trouble is the worst kind of trouble. If you will purpose to apply what you learn here at the-intimate-couple.com, your marriage can be transformed! Keep heading toward authentic intimacy—it is more than worth the effort!
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