Using Videos of People Having Sex for Sexual Stimulation

Question
We have a question regarding sexual stimulation. We are both visual sexual creatures! We have in the past enjoyed watching videos of people having sex. From what I have read that is wrong. Now, with both of us entering into watching these videos, we agreed that it was ONLY for enjoying the aspect of watching for enjoyment of the act. Neither one of us have the desire to be with another person nor do we watch them to "get off" desiring the person we are watching...just the act. If both of us enter into that with good intentions and both agreeing with our set boundaries, is it still wrong in God's eyes??? We want to stand right with God first and that's what is most important to us.

Can you help us please?

Answer
There are three things that come to mind when we read your question:

  1. The first is that we need an objective source for our morality:
    "How do we know what's right or wrong?" As Christians, we find the Bible and the words of Jesus reveal truth to us. Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28,

    “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery'. But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
    When you and your husband watch sexually explicit videos (pornography) there are physical, emotional, and spiritual things occurring simultaneously:

    Physically-Sexual arousal is, in part, a physiological response causing hormones to be pored into the bloodstream, bringing feelings of excitement and pleasure. The physical consequences are not unlike those of other pleasure-causing addictions. In other words, right or wrong the body's responses will be the same.

    Emotionally-Engaging in questionable activities like watching porn will bring its own emotional responses such as a mixture of guilt and excitement from being "naughty". The combined physical and emotional effects can produce euphoria and pleasure--again, whether the activity is wrong or right.

    Spiritually-If porn is wrong from God's point of view, then viewing it will bring separation from the Lord in our spirit. This isn't a "feeling" as much as it is a "sensing".

    In summary, the one clear, definitive way to determine if something is wrong or right is from the Scriptures--and we believe Jesus said it was wrong.

  2. The second is that your husband's responses will not be the same as yours:

    Yes, you may be both "visual, sexual creatures" but your husband is hardwired visually. This means that when you are enjoying sex with each other, your husband is most likely having many flashbacks and images of other women (from the porn) while having sex with you. The more frequent the porn, the more persistent the images. Can that be good for the long term?!If the two of you decide to discontinue using porn in your relationship, note that your husband will find it much more difficult to stop than you will.

  3. The third concerns dependence on outside sources:

    Using porn as part of your lovemaking will produce dependence-- guaranteed. Certainly this will be true for your husband, if not for you. Ideally what you want is for your husband to be turned on by only you!

    God's design is that having sex becomes the ultimate experience of intimacy--physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. This can only happen when you have nothing between you--no guilt, shame, conflict, or reservation...then, WOW!

    The good news is that you are both open with each other; it is much more difficult when the husband is watching porn secretly in an attempt to hide his addiction from his wife.

We are convinced the Bible--verified by the experience of thousands of couples--is clear that explicit sexual images will provide a temporary sexual thrill, but will bring long-term damage to intimacy.

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