What is Acceptable in the Bedroom?

Question
"My wife and I had a disagreement last year about what was acceptable in the bedroom. We had "toys" and magazines. That was all tossed a year ago. Where should one draw the line between education, enhancement, spice, variety, new-ness and pornography?"

Answer
Intimacy is based on communication, caring, commitment, and common values. Agreeing on what is “acceptable” is the common values part—and is the basis of your question. The bottom line is the Biblical standard of not putting yourself in a place where you are being sexually aroused by a woman who is not your wife.

That being said, there may be nothing wrong with toys, education (apart from porn or explicit material), variety, and lots of spice! And so, we recommend learning biblical principles that, when followed, develop intimacy and ignite sexual enjoyment!

These principles keep us close to God’s design and then, in turn, draw us closer to our spouse:

• the One and Only Principle: Sexual intimacy thrives within the covenant of marriage: there must be a relationship based on commitment and security.
• the Back to Basics Principle: Experiment, have variety, but don’t neglect genital union as the foundation of sex.
• the Hooked on You Principle: Don’t allow anything into your life that draws you away from your spouse. Your wife must be the only woman who sexually excites you (no porn!) and satisfies you.
• the Good For Both Principle: As long as it’s good for both—not hurtful or demeaning, but pleasurable, then go for it!
• the Give and Take Principle: Focus on your spouse being pleasured. Determine if a hesitation (trying oral sex, for example) is a moral or biblical issue, or the result of upbringing. Sex is meant to be fun!

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