what to do after your boyfriend confessed to a priest???

by Gaby
(TX USA)

2 days ago my boyfriend went to this Catholic Church retreat. (I think that's what you call it.) Well, he went there for two days. During those two days, he confessed to the priest...of course you have to tell him everything you do and what sins you had committed. So he told him that we both sometimes foreplay with each other when we are alone and I masturbate him till he reaches climax. So now he is telling me that he does not want to do that anymore because he confessed and well, I don't know how to take this...I'm trying not to care at all, but he is taking this over the edge since he does not even want to hold my hand and he is so distant with me. What's wrong???

Our Answer:
Your boyfriend is dealing with his conscience, which is a good thing! As difficult as it may seem now, it is much better that your boyfriend is able to respond to his conscience and get a hold of his sexuality, than to lose control of his passions and violate his conscience. In trying to rein in his sex drive, it sounds like he's gone a bit extreme in not wanting to hold hands--but understand he has no boundaries of what he "should or shouldn't do". You need to sit down and talk about these types of boundaries.

If you and your boyfriend are serious about your relationship and the possibility of spending your lives together, then both of you want to pursue genuine intimacy--spiritually, emotionally, intellectually--and leave the sexual component for marriage! Unfortunately, many couples do it all backwards--and enter into sexual relationships prior to marriage (which does not necessarily have to include intercourse). Because sex is so powerful, it short-circuits the couple's ability to develop intimacy in the other areas; couples will tend to default to sex because the sex drive is so strong.

Gaby, you and your boyfriend need to learn how intimacy really works, and gain a foundation that will help establish a great marriage in time to come. We suggest you both sit together and read articles on our site. Check out:

Intimacy and Sex

What is going "too far" physically?

The Benefits of Marriage

Gaby, if you and your boyfriend want the best relationship in every possible way, learn as much as you can from The Intimate Couple website, and make a commitment to each other to follow your conscience and ask the Lord to help you keep your relationship with God as the center!