Wife Avoids Sex

How do I stop getting so angry at my wife because she seems to be always dragging her feet when it comes to sex?

Our Answer: Your question is short and simple, but has very complex implications. Anger is our response when we feel our rights have been violated, and we have not received what we feel is owed to us. We would say the way to overcome your anger is to consider three things:

  1. Focus on your wife's needs and not your own.When you focus on how your wife is lacking, and on what she isn't doing to meet your needs, you will become irritated and, apparently, angry. Rather, why not write down on paper your wife's top 5 needs, and consider how you have done in meeting them. Can you list them? Are you intentionally doing something to meet her needs? If not, I would suggest that your wife is feeling the same way you are! My friend, a wise husband focuses on meeting his wife's needs first! If you can do that--your needs starty getting met too!

  2. List the things you appreciate about your wife.Get pen and paper in hand and take 30 minutes to complete this exercise! Write down why you can be thankful for your wife. Use your imagination! After you spend time with this one, your anger will be gone! A word of warning: the longer it takes to make a list, the more self-centered you are. :-)

  3. Put yourself in her shoes. Think about her and her life for a minute! What is it like to live with you?! (...an angry husband, sometimes?) How would you respond if you were in her shoes? Take time here as well--and don't just think about it--feel it!! This exercise will also stop your anger!

Let us tell you by experience: make your wife feel cherished and loved; make her feel special and meet her needs; kill selfishness in your own character. If you can do these things--your wife won't be "dragging her feet when it comes to sex"!

Also...check out our eBook, the 7 Day Sex Challenge!


Jim and Carrie

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Jun 29, 2012
This is balogna!!!
by: Anonymous

There is the ridiculous movement focused on HER needs, but no pressure for HER to focus on HIS needs! This is CRAP! I have focused on my wife's needs, conversation, cleanliness of home, caring for children, support of her hobbies, supporting diets and exercise, working to pay down debt, massages after a long day, attending to religious services regularly, multiple expensive vacations and allowing 5 pets in the houshold! She hasn't been intimate in years! If I beg and practically force myself on her I MIGHT get intimacy once a month - Maybe! I can tell you this trend is what is destroying marriage. Women need to understand MENS NEED for sex and STOP expecting their husbands to have to meet some ridiculously complicated agenda of their wives!!!!!!!!!!

Nov 29, 2012
by: Anonymous

Dumb advice.

Dec 30, 2012
This is the problem
by: Anonymous

In the USA culture, we have developed into a "soft" society where the men are supposed to have feelings and cater to their women and be sensitive to "her needs" etc. THIS IS CRAPOLA!

That is the problem! Be a MAN! Focus on organizing you, focus on doing things with your friends, with your hobbies and especially with your work. Set the expectations for what you desire. I agree that threats and ultimatums won't work, but woo-ing your wife like you did when you were dating will only work for a short time, then it becomes an expectation.
If you want her to admire you, start doing more fun things for yourself and with friends. Make yourself desirable to others and she will want to "win you back." The key is this - during arguments, never EVER use divorce as a bargaining chip. As soon as the D word comes out, she loses security in your relationship.
Make yourself fun! Becoming some pansy softy only concerned about her needs will work once, or for a little while, then it becomes an expectation. The key to dating was that you were viewed as fun and had other entertainment options. Trust me. Her whole goal in life is to keep you from having fun so she doesn't have to compete, so it poses a challenge. Do it anyway and she is forced to 'step up her game." It's all about fun!

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