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A Wife is Frustrated and Feels Ignored When it Comes to Sex
Question: [ wife is frustrated ]
"My partner is least interested in sex but he justifies it with his low sex desire and that he is tired most of the time, so he gives excuses all the times for not having it. I feel frustrated for being ignored and helpless. On the other side, he loves me a lot and can't sleep without me, hugging me tightly etc. and even when he has sex with me, doesn't satisfy me and never could give me orgasm. Worst of the situation that I have to pose for that so to give him confidence for what at all he is doing. He doesn't do any kind foreplay, just sometime french kiss or little more and won't touch me because he thinks his hands will get dirty and won't do even if I insist and get angry. Tell me what to do. It's my sixth year of marriage. Thanx."Answer: [ wife is frustrated ]
Let me give you the short version first, and then discuss a few principles that may relate to your situation. You have mentioned a lot of issues—so I want to be as thorough as I can be. First of all, honesty is always best—yes, be gracious, be kind, be gentle—but you must also be honest! Here are 3 simple steps to follow: - State the truth (Yes, gently and graciously!) “Sweetheart, let’s talk about our sex life—I really want you to help me, because I need to have an orgasm when we make love!” is an OK place to begin.
- Suggest how you can gain insight and information together. Get a hold of some good books, or articles (our website will be valuable to you!) Better yet, see if your husband is willing to go to a Christian counselor with you. Find a few areas where you know you could both easily improve.
- Start Practicing What You Have Learned. By taking just a few steps forward, you can earn great dividends! A little bit of advancement can go a long, long way.
Check out this article and the others below. Read them with your husband. Now, looking at a few issues that were raised with the ' wife is frustrated ' question: - My husband is hardly interested in sex. Yes, tiredness can indeed result in a low sex drive; however, given the other problems, I would suggest it’s more than that. There may be stress or self-esteem issues here: in that case, it’s vital that you develop openness and honesty in a way that you can express your unconditional love and support. Your goal is to honour and respect your husband—that will help address this issue. Let him hear how you feel. Tell him that you love and support him!
A question that also needs to be asked is Does pornography have a hold in your husband’s life? If so, guilt and shame may be at work in your husband, short-circuiting your relationship, and his sex drive. You may think this is not an issue—but it is so prevalent and wide-spread you need to carefully ask—ask in a gentle and caring way. If so, check out the following links for help:
Dangers of Pornography
Breaking Free from Pornography - When we are making love, he doesn’t satisfy me and has never given me an orgasm... There is help for this! However, if your husband doesn’t know you are frustrated, how can he learn? Talk about it! Remember, sex is only the tip of the intimacy iceberg; the best sex comes from developing intimacy—trust, openness and vulnerability promote this—and this is why honesty is so vital. Read this article to learn more about the female orgasm.
- He doesn’t do any kind of foreplay… Talk to him about it! Check out…The Art of Foreplay and How to French Kiss
Does your husband understand how most women need more foreplay than men? Tell him what you'd like. Try being more aggressive yourself, especially when kissing. Never underestimate the power of a passionate kiss. - When having sex, he won’t touch me—even if I insist and get angry—because he thinks his hands will get dirty!...This is a real problem and points to deeper inner issues. What makes him think this? An up-front talk is necessary here.
Of course, you can use practical ways to help him realize that he won't get "his hands dirty". Be sure that you bathe or shower before having sex. Or why not suggest that you and your husband shower together? Ask your husband to use your favorite smelling soap to lather you up and rinse you. (You never know where this will lead!) Also, be sure to use some perfume or body spray. After some foreplay, ask him for what you would like (gently, not angrily). Tell him you love him and want him. Ask him what he wants from you. You need to come to a place of closeness so that any inhibitions your husband has will disappear. If he is unwilling or unable to change his ideas—you need to go to a professional counselor together.
If a wife is frustrated, there must be communication with her husband, and if necessary, professional help for both of them to work through the issues.
I want to read more questions and answers... take me back to the Q & A Page from ... wife is frustrated ...
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